a2: small Big ME

b: loud

a1: easy – invalidating – Ease

/

a: go big or go home

b: crowd

a1: easy – invalidating – Ease

/

a: my body inside it feels like stone

b: pound

a2: small Big ME

/

a: bec it’s condescending i’m I never mind it’s just I can feel the wt. of each bone

b: shroud

a1: easy – invalidating – Ease

/

a: mad at me? I hate you. Rome

b: found

a2: small Big ME

/

a: a puzzle I can throne

b: astound

a1: easy – invalidating – Ease

a2: small Big ME

poor you

pour me

back into

writing

what did we learn

Words Are Containers For Feelings

drip drab

carl from jimmy neutron nerd neuron neurotransmitters

why Are they so sticky

too much truth?toomuchme?

LOUD

Kelly

feelings are fake

they are untrue

illusion of the mind and body

and yet-

I crave every Positive one endlessly

give me Give me

Love

Gratitude

Appreciation

Joy

Happiness – a state – ~Joy in the Journey

incoherent writing

just to organize

Organize

a chaotic Order

with who? more

a date with death

or two

I taste it

sometimes

when I remember

hold in my heart

every hospital bed I laid in

nurses

4am on Friday the 13th

no money

big

in my pocket

in my Vortex

rain it down on me

golden coins

from the heavens

god

can

you I I I

do you see me

do you hear me

does it matter

that i’m trapped in a well

bucket

scooping my life force out from around me

and i’m drowning

can’t you see

pull me up from down here

concave

my spine

and lay me down on the stone bed , deliver me to the Gods back , I go , pleasing – Give a gift

I give my body over to Spirit – trust fallen back into the hospital again and it’s nobody’s fault and I give all the credit to myself.

i’m good

so that’s where my sage might be huh

look @ my book

look @ the Future I Created

stacked in Class Order

i’m so back

1 2 3 4 5 6

^
6 1 5 2 4 3
3 6 4 1 2 5
5 3 2 6 1 4
4 5 1 3 6 2
2 4 6 5 3 1
Sestina

1-Infinite 2-alien 3-Now

4-knives 5-Beauty 6-Death

---

i’m back

is there a plan in the Infinite?

obsess over anonymous autonomous aliens

everything begins and ends Now

I hate you and it shows like dripping knives

ripped, torn, slicing them out I cry and feel pain without, this time, Beauty

writhing I call to Death

/

I was told hell is loops, infinitely Infinite

obsess over autonomous anonymous aliens

where are you Now

I need your prescription – I can pay in knives

i’m blind i’m pleading I can’t see Beauty

unless I imagine my Death

/

anime plays in the background. I go around with the fan. trying. I can feel it on my back: Death

heaven is Infinite???

I want to experience Heaven On Earth type Beauty

Allowed to meet you from my bed, Alien…

I don’t have any good knives

I want everything I Want Now

/

looking too Big reach too Far; it’s all I feel Now

Open Present, so they say, so I feel in this moment.. maybe I don’t have to date Death

they won’t stop shut up pulling pulling out knives

from my sides and back and chest and i’m so scared it’ll last for Infinite

I like to contemplate that maybe I’m the alien

not special just foreign; Beauty.?

/

I call myself Art and love my eyes that see in Beauty

waiting in the Now

like an idiot? No. like an alien …

follow your voice..? why? stuck. smack crash back Death:

Blessed blessings I know it I know it Is and It comes in Infinite

Ten-Fold, no friends, no love, just getting torn by knives

/

I can start over SAYS WHO bc did we forget ab the knives ??

i’m supposed to see in THIS?! Beauty..

stuck in how much potential how much it’s Infinite

do Now

Oh, Dear, I’m actually closer to Death

that’s why I beg for my friends in the font of alien

/

I see no one, call myself an alien

no control over how many are inside of me – knives

she’s too pretty – Death

ig I say what else – Beauty

Infinite Now

what’s the Infinite?

I want to Fly

idk what that means

considering

I have a feeling

I know

I have to speak in blind

I have to fan the flame of the light at the end of the tunnel

it’s all I ever do

i’m tired

I’m excited to sleep

less to wake

constantly being told i’m not enough no big

I’m the worst

no confirmation

just Spirit

when it decides to come thru

push me to the edge

and give me a symbol

how much control

all of it

---

I can’t find what i’m looking for.

---

Tell me who