---

“I hate everything in existence rn”

my body up in flames

combustion

from these elements in my brain

I stay in tact

check the facts

i’m safe

zappy electrocution in my body a circuit Emily Dickinson: the truth is too bright to be told all at once.

what is my problem with satisfaction? I keep wanting more.

I hear that’s okay it’s the human experience to crave

i’m itching my back now

it wants to concave

like i’m holding a grudge in my shoulders they slouch forward with the weight I carry

how do I define? what is this feelings name?

thirst

reminds me of blaine

strips of gum from sports authority retired memory

just a kid with a dad so it was when I wore helmets and swung bats

I had fun back then

I worked hard; competition:

I fight to live another day, Today – I forgot it was your birthday

so it goes on

happens again

I get worked up and forget

if I should say no to this

complexion

sam sam sam I am

okay

there was a time when they saw my potential

my potential was seen as a child .

how does that make me feel?

special

special daughter

son – lost – brother awoken in me – I dare you to call me that and say it like my name ..

I’m okay

i’ve just forgotten who I was a writer who escapes from the magic box of swords – not the display I was looking for

I am The Magician

and I know what it takes

I became

bridging the gap pero like fiye in yo face dute like I don’t need to excuse the way I’m acting thinking feeling behaving to anyone.

I’m 27, now.

let’s pick it up – pick up from where we started , listening hearing words in signs and blessings is never a crime in this state that I’m in it feels good to feel like a writer again I say please let me be and stop worrying that it’s all in my head because that’s where every idea begins.

special | daughter

I bridge the gap of vibrations between us – I want it to feel like laughter, again – I miss the feeling, give me some credit, for trying

I’m doing more than any of us think

it’s like preparation

like Quentin before Brakebills –

that explains it. perfectly

please oh my god please don’t put me where you are thanks

I didn’t don’t mean to be mean

I just like to have picked up my pace

Everything Is Okay

it’s like why must I and it’s fun to do and it’s in front of me while I write and spread my Love out all to you you you you

and it’s quiet

it’s still

the sprinklers are watering the grass, outside of my window

my room is an inspiration it’s a manifestation of my future foreshadowing

everything I want is mine

believe me or don’t

i’m going to continue on the yellow brick road

I am the lion.

I am the lion.

I want my tigress

and here, she comes up, again

to date my imagination

I feel it in my lips like kisses to my pillow that put me to bed while I listen to her music- silent lovely beautiful lullaby I wish I wish I wish on all the stars meet her meet her meet her from my head from space we’re together and that’s what everyone including I calls crazy that I can see I can feel I can know the layer underneath like it’s in my vision like it’s on this screen while I’m typing my future I’m doing it now now now now now now now how many times do I have to ask you to understand me, please. just read what I wrote and you’ll get it- I swear – if that’s what you want – to be – on – the – same pg

it’s true – that.

there are stars in my room that shine in my eyes too bright to look at sometimes which is why I need the night to comfort me in my room – it’s why I leave my window open – for space – for sunshine and ozone layers to invoke the peace and calm

my candy speaks names-

names, I’ll never say- you’re the only one I told…

keep my secret call me yoga time in the evening 20 minutes away in a car ride with you is good for my soul shine sparkle baby butterfly – i’m on a wavelength.

I am kawaii

I put on my fuzzy cat ear headband. black or white? I ask myself today? what will evoke my spirit calling my name my name my name who is

I want, to hold, my bear, to my chest, warmth under my skin.

hold me dear

paws around my neck

my puppy

I’m a cat, curious, 9 lives

Feeling Lucky on a hat and my boxers in green

it doesn’t matter what I say – it’s perfect in every way – so now, what?

the bored itches underneath the floor boards

I return now – to – special daughter

this, who I’m after

never never not anymore not my father

I am Mather

I refuse to explain.

I used to cry when I left his presence – he thought he had a claim on my livelihood – I forget – because it’s all gone now – and I did it with a: BONG slap clomp clomp clap clap clap clap a cheering from the world and exposing my brain that I can beat up my dad – which I guess I can say on the internet – because – because – what a fucking feat is that special daughter

I said: call me, brother

im not allowed to be who or what or where

and bang bang bang

off your radar

supported by the World like monstrosity

previously- the monster in the city – I just – feel – like – I’ll feel better in a prettier place where there is more nature more alone time more air in the forests from the trees that I’d hike in – the city – that I’d walk around with my mermaid feet – again, again, again – quit talking in whimsy – I said I don’t care that you don’t think – I’m okay – – –

I change my vibrational state I’m a Writer it’s written with my Name – Kelly Alexa Steele KAS Max Mister Steele for the people who hear me in the back — the World knows what he did. the World knows I don’t take shit.

I’m on a wavelength

I am grateful you care

put down

your fear

it exhausts

what burns inside you

what sparks that fly

that igniting inspiration

I know it’s in you, too- don’t think I didn’t see what you want – to live – in your dreams – I said I’ve got your back, too

I’m not leaving without you

it all makes sense now

my writing is slapping

the crowds are gathering

the followers are seething drooling excitement sparkle twinkles in their eyes because I have so much Love for them to carry in their pockets like little zines

like collages

like poems

that I gift

because I want to

because it’s fun, to me

stop thinking

stop fearing

stop having feelings about my future, that’s mine

silent monkey lullaby

put them to sleep

rest

I am literally sitting in my bed

doing everything that I need

it gets done

I can’t be whatever you think like an expectation of a timeline from society where I’m married with a child right now

I’ll tell you- I literally am with her, I literally was pregnant, in my dreams

I hope I wish I pray she she he is the one for me I can’t stop my loving for her

on the stars, I want to write what I feel – but it’s frightening – to be real

why you

why me

why

did I

attract you

through a screen

it makes sense

to me

in a way unexpected

a musician

lovely

some times

I put you guys

more like you put me

in my life

to experience

to take a break

to cut the vibrational feelings in half what is this energy I begged it to be here

I am

special daughter

it is no surprise

that I am present, with you guys

and now I’ve lost it- the people

knock knock

Hey Arnold stoop with flowers picked out just for you, I did- I thought- I went with the flow- let the momentum be in retrospect and felt what it feels for you to come see me

a special meeting

not a greeting

a welcome home mat

on the door of my loft

it isn’t just a dream, anymore

real – if it makes sense now with no need to repeat let it feel real and done it

drop it

I want to keep going

I am

special daughter

ungrateful

Father

sing to me in Psalms

a poet, in their own right,

a verse:

Psalm 144

15: The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season.

16: You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing.

“did I do enough” I ask, again, today…