Bound by my games. I lie cheat scam. booze. gain a little weight. nobody but yourself. nobody but myself. I sat on the kitchen tile, legs sprayed open back supported by outdated wooden cabinets. nowhere but yourself. nowhere but myself. what’s it like to just know who I am? ? how many times have I heard no? tonight? too many to count. I like the way she says it, though, i’m not supposed to. I want to like the way I say it. I say no and I mean no- that’s how she says it. I like that. maybe I’ll try it out sometime. I reach up, head against the wood still. I grab a brown glass beer bottle. they’re scattered all over. I pull from it. stale. I want it to fizz. bubble pop electric if you know what I mean? No. I hear her. That ‘No’ echoes like windstorms whips sand in the desert. I love the way it hurts my face. my face right now is numb. b o r I n g . my face, my body, I’m limp. I’m depressed? i’m stuck to the tile floor. swigging days? old beer. im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry. I picked up my phone next to me. it was laying face down on the cold tile. who do I have? all I have are sorrys.

don’t you have anything more exciting than this?

no offense, your story is depressing.

I can do better. orange. orange is exciting. don’t you see? the way they fall off the trees and scatter the grassery.

how about yellow? faded yellow? it feels like … can’t leap there yet, she tells me *heart eyes

you only have heart eyes because you want

friends!!!!!!!!!

I healed you. you’re free to go _____

\

friend.

I’ll finish it.

I’ll finish it

green is the color of palm trees. they sway. they dance against my window glass. they scrape. they curve and bend. they’re made of strips coherently in one leaf. they’re the color of summer. they”re the color of home. they’re the color of her.